Sermon Notes: Matthew 5:38-43

Sermon Title: Ending Feuds

Scripture: Matthew 5:38-43

Main Thought: Jesus calls His followers to break the cycle of retaliation and respond to personal offense with radical grace. Rather than seeking revenge, we’re invited to surrender our rights, reflect His character, and pursue reconciliation—even when it costs us. In doing so, we not only live out the heart of the Gospel but create space for healing, peace, and powerful Gospel witness.

Engage:

The Hatfields and McCoys

The Hatfield–McCoy feud is one of the most infamous family conflicts in American history, unfolding primarily between the 1860s and 1890s. The feud took place in the Tug Fork Valley, a remote area straddling the border between Pike County, Kentucky, home to the McCoys, and Logan County, West Virginia, where the Hatfields lived. The backdrop was a rugged, post–Civil War Appalachian region marked by poverty, isolation, and a fierce sense of honor, family loyalty, and justice.

The Hatfields, led by William Anderson “Devil Anse” Hatfield, were relatively wealthy timber merchants with political influence in Logan County. Known for being tough and protective, the Hatfields were well-armed and respected. On the other side were the McCoys, headed by Randolph “Randall” McCoy. They were less affluent, primarily farmers, and often felt overshadowed and outpowered by their rivals across the state line. Despite their differences, both families shared a deep pride and were shaped by a culture that prized survival, self-defense, and clan loyalty.

The feud’s early sparks can be traced back to 1865, when Asa Harmon McCoy, a Union soldier and brother to Randall McCoy, was murdered—allegedly by Confederate sympathizers connected to the Hatfields. Though it didn’t immediately erupt into violence, this incident sowed lasting resentment.

Tensions escalated in 1878 over a dispute known as the Pig Trial. Randall McCoy accused Floyd Hatfield of stealing a hog. The court ruled in Floyd’s favor, thanks in part to testimony from Bill Staton, a McCoy relative who sided with the Hatfields. Not long after, Staton was killed by McCoy family members, deepening hostilities.

In 1880, the drama took a romantic twist when Roseanna McCoy fell in love with Johnse Hatfield, Devil Anse’s son. Their relationship was scandalous and short-lived. When Johnse later married Roseanna’s cousin instead, the heartbreak added personal betrayal to the growing list of grievances between the families.

The conflict turned deadly in 1882 during a brawl at a local election. Three McCoy brothers fatally attacked Ellison Hatfield, brother of Devil Anse. In swift and brutal retaliation, the Hatfields captured the brothers and executed them without trial. This act ignited full-blown warfare between the clans.

The violence reached its peak in 1888, during what became known as the New Year’s Massacre. Led by Devil Anse’s sons, Hatfield men launched a nighttime raid on the McCoy cabin, intending to kill Randall McCoy. Though Randall escaped, two of his children were murdered, and his wife was beaten nearly to death. Public opinion began to shift toward the McCoys after this horrific act.

The ongoing violence attracted national attention. The state of Kentucky hired bounty hunters to track down the Hatfields. A legal battle over whether they could be extradited across state lines led to the U.S. Supreme Court case Mahon v. Justice (1888), which ruled that the Hatfields could be tried in Kentucky. Eventually, Ellison Mounts, a young Hatfield, was convicted and hanged in 1890 for his role in the massacre—the only formal execution in the feud.

By the early 1890s, the conflict began to die down. Exhausted by bloodshed and under growing legal pressure, both families withdrew from the violence. Yet the feud remained a powerful symbol of generational bitterness and unchecked retaliation.

Remarkably, in June 2003, over a century later, descendants of the Hatfields and McCoys met in Pikeville, Kentucky, to sign a formal truce. In a symbolic ceremony, family members shook hands, attended a joint reunion, and issued a written declaration:

“We do hereby and formally declare an official end to all hostilities, implied, inferred, and real, between the families now and forevermore.”

TRANSITION –

The Hatfield–McCoy feud now stands not only as a cautionary tale of the cost of vengeance but also as a testimony to the possibility of reconciliation—even after generations of pain. While stories of this feud arouse my curiosity, they also cause me to ponder whether I have an ongoing feud – whether externally or internally with another believer.

Am I holding a grudge and withholding forgiveness? Do I find myself retaliating against an offense rather than absorbing it? Am I more concerned with setting the record straight rather than reconciling a relationship? Do I value retaining my rights over releasing grace when hurt?

In the following verses, Jesus teaches us how we are to respond when someone wrongs us. Whether it’s the person who lets us know we are number one as they pass us in the other lane, our spouse speaking hurtful words, our character being slandered by a coworker, a friend talking about us behind our back, a parent or spouse who abandoned your family, or a government infringes on your freedoms.

Yet, Jesus’ teaching doesn’t stop with how to respond when others hurt us but also what to do when we hurt others. His instructions on how His followers are to respond when they have hurt others also help those in conflict reconcile, bringing wholeness to relationships.

When we apply Jesus’ instruction to our lives and follow His example, we model the characteristics of His kingdom citizens (Matthew 5:7; 5:9), create opportunities for Gospel conversations, and enjoy the benefits of less conflict in our relationships. The question is, how long will you allow your current feuding to go on after hearing Jesus’ counsel?

BOOK: Matthew 5:38-42

1. You have heard it said…

You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ (Matthew 5:38, NLT)

Jesus quotes directly from the Old Testament and sets out a simple principle: the punishment should match the crime exactly.

“Now suppose two men are fighting, and in the process they accidentally strike a pregnant woman so she gives birth prematurely. If no further injury results, the man who struck the woman must pay the amount of compensation the woman’s husband demands and the judges approve. ²³ But if there is further injury, the punishment must match the injury: a life for a life, ²⁴ an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a hand for a hand, a foot for a foot, ²⁵ a burn for a burn, a wound for a wound, a bruise for a bruise. (Exodus 21:22-25, NLT)

The LORD gave this law to His people for two primary purposes.

• First, it deterred further wrongdoing. When someone was appropriately punished, others would see it and think twice before committing similar offenses, as stated in Deuteronomy 19:20.
• Second, it prevented excessive punishments fueled by personal anger or revenge, such as the type described by Lamech in Genesis 4:23–24, where he boasted of killing a man just for wounding him. Thus, punishment was meant to match—but never exceed—the harm caused by the crime itself.

The rule was given for governing purposes, not license for personal revenge.

It’s important to note that all three biblical references to the “eye for an eye” rule appear within the context of the legal system God gave ancient Israel”. Exodus chapters 21–23, along with similar instructions in Leviticus 24 and Deuteronomy 19, provide guidelines for Israel’s justice system. Even when victims participated in enforcing punishment, the trials and sentences were always overseen by appointed judges or community representatives (Exodus 21:22; Deuteronomy 19:18; Leviticus 24:14–16).

The law of “eye for an eye” was fair because it matched the punishment directly to the offense. It was merciful because it restrained humanity’s natural inclination toward excessive revenge. Additionally, it was beneficial to society because it discouraged harmful behavior.

How the oral tradition twisted God’s law for selfish purposes.

Unfortunately, rabbinic tradition twisted this principle. They effectively permitted individuals to become their own judges, juries, and executioners. Instead of recognizing “eye for an eye” as a legal limitation on punishment administered by the courts, they wrongly interpreted it as personal permission to seek revenge. This misunderstanding turned God’s civil law, intended to protect and limit punishment, into a license for personal vengeance—a misinterpretation that has occurred repeatedly throughout history. Thus, through their self-centered twisting God’s commands to justify our own desires, the scribes and Pharisees distorted God’s just and merciful law.

2. But I say…

But I say, do not resist an evil person! (Matthew 5:39a, NLT)

What does Jesus mean by “do not resist an evil person?”

What Jesus doesn’t mean

In the command, “Do not resist an evil person,” Jesus corrects the Pharisees’ misunderstanding. He tells us not to seek revenge in our personal relationships. However, contrary to what some have suggested, Jesus isn’t saying we should ignore evil entirely or let it run unchecked.

For example:

• Jesus opposed the disrespect shown to God’s Temple and the financial cheating of others by making a whip out of cords and physically driving out those selling animals for sacrifices and exchanging money. (Matthew 21:12; John 2:15).
• We are to “resist the devil” (James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:9) and all the evil that he stands for and inspires (Matthew 6:13; Romans 12:9; 1 Thessalonians 5:22; 2 Timothy 4:18).
• We are to resist sin in the Church (Matthew 18:15-17; 1 Corinthians 5:13; Galatians 2:11; 1 Timothy 5:20)

Neither do Jesus’ words apply to governing authorities. There must be laws and their enforcement by governing bodies; it is God’s design (Romans 13:1-5; 1 Peter 2:13-14). These words, though used by some to support their view that there is never a reason for a just war, do not support pacifism. Within their context, Jesus is calling His followers to restrain from avenging the wrong committed against them in anger and apart from civil law. God’s people should be good citizens until being good citizens causes them to be bad Christians. They should also encourage others to obey the laws of the land and stand up for the oppressed and against injustice when encountered.

And by all means, not resisting an evil person and the instruction to turn the other cheek later in this verse does not mean that we are to tolerate or remain in a physically abusive situation or relationship.

What Jesus means

The Greek word anthistēmi means “to resist,” or “to oppose,” and in this context, it refers to someone personally wronging or harming us—someone with evil intent. Jesus is addressing our natural desire to get even, to hold onto resentment, or to take revenge. Paul teaches the same principle in Romans when he says,

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. ¹⁸ Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge;
    I will pay them back,”
    says the Lord.

²⁰ Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
    If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
    burning coals of shame on their heads.”

Retaliation may be common in the world, but it has no place among God’s people. As followers of Christ, we’re called to respond to evil not with more evil but with good (Rom. 12:21). Our Lord then provides four practical examples for His disciples to live this way in their historical context, and these illustrations offer application for us today.

3. So, live in this way

If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. ⁴⁰ If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. ⁴¹ If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. ⁴² Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow. (Matthew 5:39b-42, NLT)

Matthew 5:39b

As human beings, we all have the right to be treated with basic dignity, respect, and care. That’s because every person is made in God’s image. And because of that, God expects us to treat one another with respect. But He also knows we won’t always receive that kind of treatment. In fact, simply because we belong to God and bear the name of His Son, we will often be mistreated, mocked, and even hated (see Matthew 10:16–23; John 15:18–16:3).

Jesus is speaking here about how we respond to such mistreatment. In Jewish culture, being slapped in the face was one of the most insulting and degrading things that could happen. It wasn’t just physical—it was personal. A slap across the cheek attacked someone’s honor. Even a slave would have rather been whipped on the back than slapped across the face because it was a way of saying, “You’re beneath me.”

To be struck on the right cheek usually implied a backhanded slap—a harsh and humiliating insult. And yet, Jesus tells us not to strike back but to “turn the other cheek.” He’s not calling us to become passive victims. Instead, He’s showing us a better way: to respond without revenge, without bitterness, with humility and gentleness. That kind of response reveals the heart of someone who belongs to the kingdom of God (Matthew 5:3, 5).

Jesus Himself modeled this. He never stood by when evil was done to others—He cleared the Temple in righteous anger when His Father’s house was defiled. But when evil was directed at Him, He didn’t retaliate. He didn’t strike back when He was slapped, mocked, and beaten by the religious leaders and Roman soldiers (Matthew 26:67–68). Just as Isaiah had prophesied, He gave His back to those who whipped Him and His cheeks to those who pulled out His beard (Isaiah 50:6). Hanging on the cross, He prayed for His abusers: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Peter sums it up well: “If you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this, you were called because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in His steps. He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth. When they hurled insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats. Instead, He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:20–23).

When someone attacks our dignity, we’re not called to fight back to protect our honor. We’re called to trust God to defend and vindicate us. One day, we will share in His glory and reign with Him forever.

Matthew 5:40

In Jesus’ day, a “shirt” referred to a simple inner tunic worn next to the skin, while the “coat” was a heavier outer garment. This coat also doubled as a blanket at night. Most people had only one coat and maybe one or two shirts. Because of how essential the coat was, Mosaic law required that if someone gave it as a pledge, it had to be returned by sunset: “for that is his only covering; it is his cloak for his body” (Exodus 22:26–27).

Jesus isn’t talking about theft here—He’s not describing someone stealing your clothes—but about a legal situation where someone takes you to court. In ancient times, if a person couldn’t pay a fine with money or possessions, their clothing might be taken as payment instead. The shirt could legally be taken, but the coat could not. However, Jesus says that rather than fighting back or holding a grudge, His followers should be willing to go beyond what’s required—offering even their valuable outer garment to make peace.

This kind of generous, humble response shows a heart transformed by the kingdom of God. If we’re genuinely in the wrong and the court rules against us, Jesus teaches us to respond without bitterness or resentment. We should be willing to give even more than what’s demanded—not out of guilt but to express sincere repentance and love. It’s a way to reflect the gracious character of our Father in heaven (Matthew 5:45).

Paul echoes this same principle in 1 Corinthians 6:1–8, where he teaches that it’s better to suffer personal loss than to retaliate in anger or take a fellow believer to court. In short, Jesus calls us to prioritize love, humility, and peace over personal rights and the desire for revenge. Even if it costs us something, it’s worth it to show the world what God’s grace looks like in action.

Matthew 5:41

The third right Jesus calls His followers to be willing to give up is the right to personal freedom. God’s original design for humanity was freedom—He created us in His image to live in liberty, not in bondage. Slavery and oppression are results of sin and were never part of God’s intended plan. The best governments throughout history have tried to protect people’s freedoms, including the rights of foreigners. And according to both God’s justice and common human decency, people do have a right to live free.

But, like every other right, our freedom should never become more important than living righteously or being a faithful witness to Christ.

In Jesus’ day, Roman law allowed a soldier to force any civilian to carry his gear for one mile. It was a humiliating and frustrating burden, especially since it meant carrying the weapons and supplies of the very people who oppressed you. Civilians resented it deeply, and soldiers who used this law were often hated for it.

Still, Jesus tells His followers not just to carry the pack the required mile but to go a second mile willingly. Rather than resisting or retaliating when our freedoms are limited, we should respond with generosity and grace. If someone takes part of our freedom, we should be willing to surrender even more for the sake of peace and witness.

By doing this, we reflect the heart of Christ and obey our Lord. We show that our deepest freedom isn’t something the world gives or takes away. It’s the freedom we have in Christ—a freedom that no burden, no law, and no oppressor can steal.

Matthew 5:42

The fourth right Jesus calls us to lay down is the right to our possessions. Clinging tightly to what we own is part of our fallen human nature. Most of us, even as Christians, struggle with letting go of what we believe belongs to us. We often forget that everything we have is ultimately God’s, and we’re just stewards managing His resources. Still, from a human standpoint, we do have the right to use or protect what we legally own.

But Jesus teaches that even this right should be surrendered if love or obedience to Him demands it. When someone asks to borrow from us, our first response shouldn’t be to turn them away. The idea is that the person has a genuine need—and if that’s the case, we should be willing to help. That doesn’t mean we say yes to every request, especially if doing so would enable selfishness or do more harm than good.

The heart of Jesus’ teaching is about being generous—not reluctantly, but freely, with a loving and willing spirit. It’s not about checking a box or doing a favor out of guilt. It’s about sincerely wanting to meet the needs of others when we can. Sometimes, that means stepping up to give before we’re even asked.

Reflection: Slap Fighting

In professional slap fighting, two competitors face off while standing on opposite sides of a podium or barrel. They take turns slapping each other in the face, typically for 3 to 5 rounds, depending on the event’s rules. A coin toss or drawing determines who delivers the first slap. Before each strike, the attacker announces their target (for example, “right cheek”) and has a set amount of time—usually 30 seconds—to deliver the slap. Meanwhile, the defender must remain completely still, keeping both feet flat on the ground and either holding onto handles or placing their hands behind their back. Flinching, turning away, or dodging is not allowed.

A referee is present to ensure each slap follows the rules: the strike must be delivered with an open hand and should not land on illegal areas, such as the ear or jawline. The referee also enforces safety and sportsmanship throughout the match.

Victory is achieved in one of three main ways. A competitor can win by knockout if their opponent is rendered unconscious or is unable to continue. If no knockout occurs, the decision goes to a panel of judges who score based on the power of each slap, the reaction of the opponent, and the slapper’s technique and accuracy. Additionally, if a participant violates the rules—such as striking with the palm heel, hitting the ear, or moving their feet during delivery—they may receive a warning or be disqualified from the match.

Perhaps your approach to addressing the wrongs committed against you in your relationships resembles a professional slap fight.

• In your marriage, you exchange verbal slaps, making sure each word is aimed at each other with precision to cause more pain than the one you received.
• Maybe you take to social media and make a post, no names mentioned, of course. Still, those closest to the situation, and especially the one or ones the comment is meant for, can’t miss your act of retaliation – and instead of resolving the problem, it has been further complicated because of public shaming.
• Instead of absorbing the hurt caused by a parent and forgiving them, you continue to allow resentment and ongoing anger against them to live in your heart. Your offender is conflicted because they desire to restore the relationship and make restitution for the pain they have caused you, but you figure it’s the least they deserve for the heartache they’ve put you through.

But what would happen if…

• Instead of hurling a complaint or insult back at your spouse, you remained silent and removed yourself from the situation?
• What if you acknowledged the feelings of hurt or injustice expressed by your spouse, parent, child, friend, or coworker and sincerely apologized?
  • What if you not only apologized for the wrong you committed but went the extra mile to make things right? What if you did the extra work to help with chores around the house so your spouse doesn’t feel underappreciated? What if you provided a solution to prevent the same thing that caused the hurt this time around not to occur again?
• What would happen if we just let some things go? The things someone may have done that hurt us but that they aren’t even aware caused us pain and that were not intended to do so? What if we just accepted that mistake and went on without drawing attention to it, as usual? How many ant hills would remain that and not mountains?
• How would our marriages, families, friendships, and churches look if we were quick to meet the needs of others when we were aware of and able to fulfill them?
• Would your life be less stressful if it had less drama caused by public posts and rants about friends or family or because you refused to exchange proverbial slaps by any form of communication?
• How much peace would you experience if you could truly allow your just and righteous God to avenge the wrong against you? The sense of whole wellness that comes in knowing God has you, the situation, and He will act rightly in His time and way.
  • What would it take, what needs to happen for you to let go of a wrong committed to you?
• How and where could you see your refusal to avenge the wrongs committed against you cause opportunity for gospel conversations?

TRANSITION

In these verses, Jesus isn’t undermining civil justice—what happens in a courtroom has its place. What He is undermining is selfishness. The religious leaders of His day were full of pride and self-protection, and He’s showing that this kind of heart has no place in the kingdom of God – then or now.

ACTION

1. Follower – Drop your grudge and pick up your cross.

That kind of character comes from dying to self. The person who no longer defends himself holds grudges or seeks revenge is someone who has truly surrendered their life to Christ. When we fight for our rights above all else, it reveals that self is still on the throne of our hearts. You cannot live for yourself and live for Christ at the same time.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. (Matthew 16:24, NLT)

George Mueller once said:

“There was a day when I died—died to George Mueller, his opinions, his preferences, his tastes, and his will. I died to the world, its approval or censure, and died to the approval or blame of my brethren and friends. Since then, I have studied only to show myself approved unto God.”

That’s the spirit Jesus calls for in this passage—a spirit we cannot produce on our own. Only God’s saving grace can grow that kind of heart in us.

It’s the spirit Abraham showed when he gave Lot the first choice of the land.
It’s the spirit Joseph had when he forgave and embraced the brothers who had sold him into slavery.
It’s the spirit that stopped David from killing Saul, even though Saul was trying to kill him.
It’s the spirit Elisha showed when he fed the enemy army of Assyria.
It’s the spirit Stephen displayed as he prayed for the men who were stoning him.

Living according to Jesus’ words in these verses will require us to let go of our right demands for repayment of wrongs committed against us by absorbing payment for the wrong ourselves and being willing to repay more than required to make amends for the wrongs committed against others. This is only possible by denying or dying to ourselves (Also see Galatians 2:20).

2. Far from God – be reconciled to God

   Anyone who is joined to Christ is a new being; the old is gone, the new has come. ¹⁸ All this is done by God, who through Christ changed us from enemies into his friends and gave us the task of making others his friends also. ¹⁹ Our message is that God was making all human beings his friends through Christ. God did not keep an account of their sins, and he has given us the message which tells how he makes them his friends.

²⁰ Here we are, then, speaking for Christ, as though God himself were making his appeal through us. We plead on Christ’s behalf: let God change you from enemies into his friends! ²¹ Christ was without sin, but for our sake God made him share our sin in order that in union with him we might share the righteousness of God. (1 Corinthians 5:17-21, GNT)

This passage reveals the profound truth that in Christ, everything changes. When you trust Jesus, you become a new creation—your old life, marked by sin, rebellion, and separation from God, passes away. This new life comes because God, through Jesus, has done the unthinkable: He took the sins of the world upon Himself, though He was sinless so that we might be made right with God.

God is no longer counting your sins against you. Instead, He offers complete reconciliation—a restored relationship that’s only possible because Jesus absorbed the penalty you deserved. He stood in your place, bore your guilt, and offered you His righteousness as a gift.

The invitation is clear: be reconciled to God today. Receive the new life Jesus offers. Stop trying to earn God’s favor and rest in the perfect work He has done for you. Turn from your rebellion against God and be restored to Him.

Several years ago, a woman named Mary Johnson did something unthinkable. Her only son was murdered during an argument with another teenager, Oshea Israel, who was just 16 at the time. He was sentenced to 25 years in prison.

Mary said she hated him for years. But one day, she felt God nudging her to forgive. She visited Oshea in prison. Over time, their visits continued. He began to change. When he was finally released, she not only welcomed him back—she invited him to live next door. They now share their story together, as mother and “adopted son,” traveling to schools and churches to talk about forgiveness and healing.

Mary didn’t just say, “I forgive you.” She absorbed the pain, grief, and injustice so that someone who had wronged her could live again—not just exist, but live with purpose and redemption.

That’s a glimpse of what Jesus has done for us. We killed Him with our sin. And yet, in love, He came close, took the blow, and now offers us life—not in judgment, but in grace.

Jesus took your place. The debt you could never repay—He paid in full. By His wounds, you can be healed. Not just forgiven, but set free. Will you receive that grace today? Will you lay down your attempts to earn or hide and trust the One who already paid the price? Better yet, will you lay down your arms and surrender, ending the feud between you and a Holy God?

Come to Jesus—not with your goodness, but with your need. Let His wounds become your healing.

In all our relationships, with God and each other,

Feuds end where grace begins.

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